A digression from our usual posts, I thought for a change I’d do a wee blog about how the lockdown has been affecting our lives. I’m sure many of you will relate to at least some of this.
For Paul, it hasn’t been too bad and he has coped well. Not as much has changed for him. He was already working from home and had been for a few years before any of this happened. The main change for him has been that he hasn’t had to travel to meet up with colleagues and customers, which usually entailed staying away for a night or two. I always hated when he had to go away, which brings to mind the saying “be careful what you wish for”!
Of course, we are both missing the pubs and restaurants, seeing friends and family members, socialising, going to the gym, travelling, weekends away and holidays.
The biggest change has been for me. I work(ed) as a group fitness instructor teaching indoor classes. I still hope to go back to it when restrictions allow and if I can get classes. Since the first lockdown back in March 2020, I had about a month of work at some of my previous clubs once the restrictions were lifted until the “16 day circuit breaker” back in October – the one that still hasn’t ended.
At the initial lockdown we (myself and my fellow instructors) had pretty much zero notice. We were told the evening before that the clubs were closing for lockdown and not to turn up for our classes the next day. Of course, early on we all (both clubs and instructors) expected this to only be for a few weeks…
As time dragged on, I came to the realisation that at some point I might have to look for a different job. Of course there were thousands of people, not just those in my line of work, who were in the same position and very few jobs available.
Instead, I decided to use my time to update our website with new travel pages and whatever blogs I could manage given the restrictions we were under. I also started to write some short books, “mini guides”, to sell on Amazon. I’d published my Northcoast 500 guide just before the lockdown, and subsequently wrote a walking guide, West End Walks, with walks local to where we live, and a book of day trips, 10 Great Days Out From Glasgow.
The walking book was amazingly popular with locals, especially while people were so restricted with how far they could go to exercise. Like us, they were looking for some new walks to do.
As the days turned into weeks and then months, I started to wonder when (or if) this would ever end. Part of me wanted to help people and I picked up, but didn’t deliver, some of these cards offering to help with shopping, or just a phone call to check on someone etc. The part of me that won was the self destructive part and I did nothing. I think already I was becoming used to not seeing or talking to people, and it scared me a bit.
A brief respite in summer helped, and we got away on holiday (in the UK), which was postponed from June. As bad luck would have it, I developed shingles while on holiday, a build up of stress I’m sure. I am still suffering post-virus, although slowly it is easing (at least I think/hope so). Straight after the holiday, I was briefly back to some classes, about two-thirds of what I had before, but I counted myself lucky. Then we were back in lockdown (or near enough) and it all stopped again.
Quickly I began to flit between self pity and (sometimes severe) depression. I became angry and resentful and found it difficult to find anything to look forward to. I joined anti-lockdown groups on Facebook, which just fuelled my resentment. I also started to believe the “conspiracy theories”, which did nothing but depress me more. Despite all this, I was aware that there were so many people a lot worse off, and that we were lucky that through all these months we hadn’t lost any loved ones to the virus, but still I was letting myself sink into a huge void.
In essence, I became hard to live with. Eventually, in a moment of clarity, I realised that if I kept going like that I could end up losing everything that mattered. I had piled weight on too (which was not good, as despite being a fitness instructor, I was hefty even before that) and I reckon that both myself and Paul were easily drinking 50 units of alcohol a week.
I’m glad to say that I decided to change in 2021. Instead of stressing (and worse) over things that couldn’t be controlled, I would focus on one thing that I could control – my health and fitness.
I joined an online plan and have so far lost about half of the weight that I put on. Most days I feel fairly positive, although I do still have “bad days” and I do still struggle to get myself out of bed in the mornings. But I have stuck to the plan, I make sure I do my average of 10,000 steps a day, if not more, I do my 3 weights workouts a week and I stick to my calorie allowance (which is fortunately very generous).
We have both massively cut down on the booze, whilst still managing to have a couple of drinks on a Friday and Saturday night.
I personally hope to get my fitness back up and my weight down quite a lot lower than it was pre-lockdown, but I know this will take some time. For now, I’m aiming to get to my pre-lockdown weight, hopefully before classes start back (which should be fairly easy to achieve as this could be quite some time). If I can get it lower before then, even better.
I hope that maybe sharing my/our story helps any of you who are also struggling, particularly with mental health issues.
So stay safe, and here’s hoping we can get back to some sort of “normality” in the not-to-distant future xxx
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